Subjective Reality

Another long time no post thing.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:25:57 GMT

This weekend was kind of crazy, and awesome all at the same time.

On Friday I left my school and drove about an hour and a half to Sean's school, this is where the crazyness begins. Once I arived I had the pleasure of whiping out a crazy amount of makeup; eyeshadow, foundation, creem color and applying it to his face and various other parts of his body.
Why you may ask?

No I had no intention of turning him into a drag queen...instead it was all in preparation for a zombie walk. Yup, I made him look dead (along with myself) .It was great. Although apparently there is no better way to alarm a boyfriend than to come after him with foundation.

The zombie walk was awesome, there was a parade of us freaks walking through Utica (the city that god forgot) we scared a few pedestrians, the usual. In general nothing beats pretending to be the undead and grunting "BRAINS" every once in a while as you hobble down a street.

After the zombie walk there was a rave, which was even more fun. As far as things go, raves are what school dances should be like. There was a ton of awesome techno music and we danced like spazes, but it didn't really matter cause everyone danced like spazes.

On a random tangent, the people living above me are having extremely loud sex...it's kind of disturbing and mildly distracting... and I think they are done now.

Yes, it's one of the perks of being at college...you get to live next door or below people who can't seem to keep it down...and your roommate is one of those sorrority morons who goes out drinking on a Tuesday.

Anyway, back to the rave. Awesome techno music, there were two highlights that night, the first one was that they fed us cake and the second was a DJ who managed to mix music off of 3 gameboys, it was intense.

Here are some pictures from the Zombie walk:

Some zombies.

moar zombies

Unfortunately I don't have any photos of myself from this event...if I find them I will post them.

Another funny thing we found out this weekend: Sean's roommate (sort of, they have singles at his school, so in essence the kid he lives next to) listens to Miley Cyris... so video was taken and posted, here it is:

It's been a while

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:58:08 GMT

Yeah, it's been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened, I'm not going to lie about that.

As far as things go, a good portion of my college life has been less than eventful...despite the fact that I go to a "party school" I have not had one sip of alcohol since I got here, nor have i gone to one party (college party that is). Instead I have engaged in shenanigans of a much different nature.

Don't get me wrong, I could act like my bimbo of a roommate and go to every single frat party under the sun...however I chose not to. Here is my reasoning; if i wanted to get wasted and have some creepy guy grope me to crappy music, I would have gone to the school dances back in highschool. Needless to say I was not a regular dance attendee at my highschool.

It could quite possibly be because I am too mature for this juvenile sort of entertainment. I don't quite understand how any of this could be fun, not to mention end well.

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This is about the point where writer's block hits me and i don't quite know what to say...there are many options, there are many things that I found both entertaining and worrysome, there are plenty of things that make me both happy and depressed...how to write about them is what is truly bothering me... I just don't know. I don't think I'm even going to bother to spell check this post...consider it a cathartic bit of writing. Something to get the thoughts out of my mind and onto the paper and I don't even garantee that I'll write about my adventures or anything of that nature...I just don't know.

I think I'll try to write about them later... I dunno.

I think I need to figure otu what I am thinking before I try to write about it.

That would probably be the best way to go about it.

wow, journal PHAIL

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:30:29 GMT

Yeah, I've meant to update, I really have, however with working fulltime, getting college stuff together and generally just being busy I have failed to update my journal.

Although I must say, I have had quite a bit of artistic block recently so it was probably for the better...because we all know that the only reason people look at these journal things are to look at the pretty pictures.

I'm doing pretty well right now, I leave for college on friday and for the most part today I'm stuck getting things in order. I am really really excited for it actually.

In other news, I am dating now...it's kind of strange. Sean asked me out and I said yes....yeah, there will be no flamboyant girlish squeeling here, he's a good kid and I figured since he was willing to put up with me for a year, with not so much as a hug in return, perhaps it was time for me to give him a chance....not to mention we share a brain.

Unfortunately we aren't going to the same school (his is one and a half hours away). So it's hardly going to be functional...yay long distance relationships! Then again I warned him about that...so yeah.

A lot more has gone on, but I'll update and inform later, I swear...I leave you with my Inglorious Basterds inspired self-portrait.

Photography Block

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:51:11 GMT

So um yeah, lately I've had the worst case of photography block yet...I haven't been able to take one single decent looking photo...everything just feels so weird and out of whack.

I have been taking calculus during the summer, in order to get a heads up on what I'm going to be doing next year in college.

Also, I have been working out (I'm tired of being a lazy couch potato)...that also means that everything hurts...but it's a good hurt. Honestly, I think exercise is how I deal with some sort of deep seeded masochistic tendencies, because to tell you the truth, I enjoy pushing myself to the limit. I like getting to the point where my body goes 'Yeah Stashi, this kinda hurts, could you stop now?' and going past that. It's weird and oddly addictive.

In other news, I think Adrian may be mad at me...because I have been trying to contact him for the past 2 weeks and he still hasn't responded. I'm worried.

_______________________

Also: Although I enjoy dealing with guys more than I enjoy dealing with girls, I have to admit, they can be such assholes sometimes.

Recent dilemma:

Sean likes me...

Now that in itself is not a dilemma...what is a dilemma is the fact that Sean has a girlfriend.

Furthermore I don't understand why he had to tell me this (the fact that he liked me...'in that way' quoting him)... Things were going so damn well...Like honestly, for a time I pretty much considered him my male equivalent...we pretty much shared a brain.

Apart from him,never have I ever been on as much of a similar page with someone as to actually be able to finish their sentences.

And yeah, for a while I did like him...I'm not going to lie...

Not anymore though, so that doesn't matter.
-------

But here is what bugs me:

I don't like the flirting...and I don't like how every conversation or so ends with 'I should have asked you out'...it pisses me off...

Also, earlier on he told me that the only reason he asked his current girlfriend out was because he thought that he didn't stand a chance with me...so he settled...wtf

Honestly, if you don't like someone, why go out with them?... This confuses the hell out of me.

Then, to top it all off, his sister and now some of my friends know he likes me...which sucks because his girlfriend is friends with a lot of my friends (like Adrian) so if the shit hits the fan...I'm going to be the villain, I just know it.

It also probably doesn't help the fact that his girlfriend is suspicious of me, which is another sucky thing because there is nothing going on between us.

Reason why I am spouting:

Sean recently sent me a text message 'what's up?' while on a date with his girlfriend....

This gets a WTF from me.

When you are on a date, you are on a date...the last thing you should be doing is text messaging people your girlfriend is suspicious of.

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Sometimes I just don't know.
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And here is one more, more recent abandoned plant nursery shot I took last week...I accidentally trespassed to get this one (didn't notice that they put up posted signs 'under surveillance of state police'...they weren't here last time), but I didn't get in trouble for it so it's all good.

School is over.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:25:37 GMT

Um yeah, school ended on monday... woot.

It's so weird, as cliche as it sounds; it feels like only yesterday that I was but a wee freshman.

Actually it feels like only yesterday that I was a first grader. I honestly think I missed something here, how did this happen o.O

So I'm sure the burning question of the moment is: What has Stashi been doing with her summer so far?

Well, that's simple really, on the very last day of school I went on another photo adventure, with Sean, Adrian and Mai

photos:

Adrian and Mai

Some cool looing wire.

I had a photo of Sean but it turned out out of focus... which was a bummer... oh well.

And as a graduation gift I got a flash form my camera... which naturally I have been playing with all of tonight.
Here is one of the results:

Imagine

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 02:45:40 GMT

Right at this very moment in time, I'm watching Imagine.

I have to say I feel kind of bad for Yoko. I mean just the sheer amount of people that hated/ hate her. It must suck.

That was kind of random, but then again right now my brain is pretty fried from studying for my calc final.

Photo update and things that piss me off.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 03:32:45 GMT

Title of the shoot: Thank you for smoking.

My final farewell, photoshoot style, to my school.

Yes, those asbestos warnings are actually located at my school.

No that's not a real cigarette, get over yourself... actually it's a pen (no joke).

The basic idea behind the shoot: We might as well develop nasty smoking habits because due to the asbestos in the school we're all going to get lung cancer anyway.

I was so happy, I love photoshoots with Maggie.

_______________________________

On a completely unrelated note Paul is a complete asshole, I pulled 2 allnighters working on a final for governomics last week, and I have drama...or what could turn into drama, which I would rather it didn't.

The drama thing I don' t want to talk about, perhaps later.

The 2 allnighters were hell on earth, but at least I got a good video out of them.

Lastly: Paul is an asshole.

This one I will indulge you guys on because what he did was unacceptable and deserves a rant.

Paul, after going on a date with a girl, recently, after the girl decided that she didn't want to kiss him, grabbed her face and told her that he always got kissed on the first date.

Later I found out, after I mentioned this to Maggie, that he did the same dumbass thing with her... except they weren't on a date, it was at a track meet.

I find this fucked up and sick.

Things like that are completely unforgivable and inexcusable. Sure, it may be forcing someone to kiss him now, but it's this sort of sexual aggression that could potentially lead to rape later on.

Please, tell me if I'm making a stretch with this.

I just find this sick and unforgivable... frankly, there is probably a damn good reason why he never tried that with me. I have a mean right hook and I'm not afraid to use it.

Adventure Part II

Wed, 27 May 2009 03:58:01 GMT

So um today, after school, Paul, Adrian and I decided to go on an adventure to an abandoned plant nursery near where I live.

Let me just say something: Abandoned places are the most amazing places to take photographs. Not to mention they're kind of calming in their own right.

I'm not making any sense right now, I'm way too tired to function. Here are some photos:

Failed attempt at HDR editing:

Adrian and Paul... nuf said:

I'll post more on what transpired tomorrow... tonight... sleepy time....

What I did today

Mon, 11 May 2009 23:00:21 GMT

I modeled for Adrian... however I'm really not much of a model.

I took pictures of Adrian being his glorius self:

In an attempt to save whatever is left of Adrian's masculinity, due to his rather feminine pose... He orders his hamburgers RAW... I mean RARE!!!

Seriously, no ketchup, and so rare you can pretty much see the blood dripping off of the burger

Update! and a photo!

Wed, 06 May 2009 19:37:28 GMT

Once again, a lot of things have happened since I last posted. I should probably return to posting as often as I used to. I know I’ve been slacking, in fact I’ve been slacking in pretty much everything, including school… I don’t even want to think about the amount of unfinished assignments I have to do. Senioritis thy name is Stashi.

So here’s an interesting question: Do I start off with the enormous rant first or do I start with the happy awesome exciting news?

I think I’ll go with the happy awesome exciting news first.

The happy exciting news comes in two parts. Tomorrow I’m getting my hair cut. It’s getting long (for my taste), and annoying, and I’m tired of the style and I need a change.

Ever since I cut my hair short at the beginning of the year, I’ve been addicted to it. It’s so much more fun than long hair and there’s so much more you can do with it. This time I’m going to go for something asymmetrical and funky. I’m also really thrilled because I met the girl who will be cutting my hair at the M.A.C section at Macy’s (she was a makeup artist) and she’s literally one of the most awesome, friendly, cool people I have met, not to mention her tattoos are pretty much… for lack of better words… the shit.

The other thing which I am excited about is the really badass, black and red, pvc corset I ordered from the fainting room. I can’t wait till I get it because then I’ll be able to shove my friend Maggie into it, put an odd yet amazing wig on her head, stand her in front of awesome graffiti and take photographs of that.

Here is my latest photo of the atomic laboratory by my house… or er, the water towers:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

And now for the rant… The basic theme of the rant : I HATE BOYS.

Yes I know this sounds juvenile and what not, but I really do. More specifically, I hate it when my guy friends start flirting with me or hinting upon having a relationship with me, or shit like that. What I don’t think they realize is the fact that there is a reason why I am not already dating them, and perhaps they should take a hint.

I don’t particularly want to get into the details of this, at least not at this current point in time. But I do find it irritating how one of my friends keeps trying to hook me up with this kid (going so far as calling him my boyfriend) who likes me (he also happens to be my friend, which makes it weird) when that’s pretty much the opposite of what I want.

What makes it even more awkward and uncomfortable is the fact that I tend to do the opposite of what people desire of me, and not intentionally at that. For instance: The more my friend pressures me into getting together with that other guy, the less I want to. Also the more evident that it becomes that that guy does like me, the more I want to get as far away from him as humanly possible (which sucks because we used to be rather good friends, but now it’s just… I can’t even describe it. Whenever I’m around him I just feel this overwhelming urge to get away). Also, needless to say, having both these things going on at the same time amplifies the adverse effects, on my part, that the both of them cause.

Update

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:56:57 GMT

Yeah, I haven't updated since, well, Sunday.

I kind of feel guilty for not updating as much as I used to. It's not that I haven't had anything to write about, trust me, a lot has happened for me to write about. However, at the time I was not very happy about what was going on. And at the risk of sounding whiny, and like a complete Holden Caufield, I decided not to post and wait it out.

So, what happened to me this week consisted of one big misunderstanding after another.

On Monday, 4/20, during Shakespeare class I was called out by the hall monitor and told to go to the main office. This was not a promising sign. The only time anyone ever gets called out of class to go to the office it is for one of two reasons; They are in danger of failing and being left back or they skipped a class.

I, certainly not failing any of my classes and having not skipped anything, had no idea what the heck was going on. So, I did what the hall-monitor told me, packed my backpack, and went down to the office . I was then informed that I was written up for 3 skips in gym and now had to serve 9 detentions.

I never skipped anything.

Thus, angry, fuming (and not in the happy 4/20 sort of way), me ended up going home, and staying home on Tuesday because I could not will myself to go to school.

On Wednesday I served the first of my 9 detentions. Which was funny because when you are in detention the hall-monitors automatically assume you are dumb. They give you this condescending, 'you're a smart kid don't let yourself down' speech and it skims on repulsive.

During detention I ended up getting this speech after making a comment that went along the lines of "Yeah, when people try to argue with me I just agree with them, what more can they do? If someone tells me I'm stupid, I say "Yup, you are absolutely right" because if you agree, what more can they say?". In response the hall monitor turned around and gave me the condescending ' you're smart kids you just make bad choices' statement which I backed up with "Yeah, I know I'm smart, last quarter I had a 93 in calc.". This promptly caused her to turn completely silent and leave the room.

Just because I have detention does not mean that I make bad choices or that I'm an underachiever.

It turns out though, after having a conversation with my gym teacher, that I, in fact ,did not skip. She accidentally wrote me up instead of my friend, which I find silly because my friend is a good 4 inches taller than me, has purple hair and is half Indian. Apart from both of us being female, we look nothing alike. In other words, I got myself out from under the bus by unintentionally throwing my friend under the bus, oh well.

And yet another update, my school actually sent me a letter of apology for that detention. I may have it framed. It was hysterical.

Also apparently my social security number did not notify my college that I am a U.S citizen, so now I have to find some other proof for them. That's what passports are for.

By the way,yesterday went to school with this hair:

I basically did it just for 'shits and giggles' I suppose. I needed a break from my routine.

The funniest thing that happened yesterday was: I was walking down the hall and I heard someone call my name. I turned around and I see a group of girls, some of which were in my business law class last year. I looked at them, waiting to see if they had something to say, because I could have sworn that they called my name. But after 3 seconds it became apparent that they did not, in fact, call my name, so I turned around to go on my merry way.

Unfortunately one of the girls in the group suddenly shouted to the other one "Hey, that girl was just starring at you..." Suddenly I had a bunch of raging cheerleaders behind me shouting at me to come back. I Turn back and apologize, telling them "I thought one of you said my name, I'm sorry, I must have heard wrong."

For some odd reason this did not please them and they started shouting something incoherently at me. I didn't particularly care what these vapid sophomore girls had to say to me, and I'm not enough of an idiot to get into a fight over nothing, so I just left.

After that incident, I made it to the library and I stayed there for the rest of me free time. However, once the bell rang and students began to filter out, I found myself, once again, in a close proximity to those sophomore girls.

As I gathered my things these cheerleaders pretty much sneered in the most sarcastic voices they could muster "Nice hair." as though it was the most offensive thing they could say to me.

I mean really? On that day I looked like a Rastafarian alien. I was well aware I looked weird and anyone with half a brain would have known I did it on purpose. I mean do people actually take themselves that seriously that they can't even laugh at their own appearance? I don't, and I don't think others should either, especially the girls who go to school wearing leggings and a t-shirt... How can THEY take themselves seriously, they are going around pant-less, in public.

I babysat an autistic 4 year old today.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:23:17 GMT

Behold battle wounds!

I have another bite-mark on my other hand, but that one looks more like a rash.

Scratch marks.

It was an adventure.

Ug

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 06:01:09 GMT

Lately nothing I do ever seems to turn out the way I want it to.

My attempt at making dread falls failed, well not really.

I did manage to make them. Unfortunately, they did not turn out the way I wanted them to at all. They were the wrong thickness, the wrong length, the wrong everything! I'm going to have to try again sometime... It's just so damn aggravating!

The only thing I am left with as of now is a messy room and pissed off parents.

Yeah, I managed to piss them off yet again.

According to them, my crafts projects were the wrong focus and I should be focusing on cleaning and piano. Apparently, I'm being a lazy bum.

This is funny, really funny considering the fact that this week I have been the opposite of a lazy bum, at least in my opinion.

This week, my vacation week, I worked 9 hour days at my parents dental office. 9 hours a day doing work that my dad, the manager, should have done in the first place. He claims he has not time, but for the last hour of each work day I see him playing internet darts... way to go dad. I don't mind, I'm getting paid, but still.

On top of the 9 hours of work I have been putting in, I drove roughly 1 hour each day driving said parental units to and from work, with my dad, the lovely backseat driver, critiquing my every move. To top it all off this weekend, I managed to wash the dishes, clean the kitchen area and vacuum the family room.

So I guess with all of that in mind, I have been a lazy bum.

The other thing that has been bugging me as of late is the whole 'who's going to pay for college' situation. I honestly think my parents have absolutely no confidence in me what-so-ever, it makes me sad. Ever since I was in fourth grade I feel that my parents have had little to no hope for me when it came down to getting an education.

I remember in 4th grade my dad came up to me and told me that he was deciding whether or not to start a college fund for me or put more money towards retirement. This conversation scared me, I was in 4th grade, I didn't want to think about the future. Besides, at that point University was the last thing on my mind. So I tried to change the subject, I mentioned how the formation of the leaves in the tree outside made it look like there were different animal heads poking out of it.That was the end of that conversation... The moral of the story; the money went to my parents' retirement. I have no college fund.

Now, with the recent economic fuck up that's been going on in the country, getting loans is hard and or almost impossible. Even student loans. So my parents original plan of me taking out a student loan, if I chose to go to university, has pretty much entered the shit pit...it's probably not going to happen. Thus, somehow, my parents now need to shell out a good 12,000 a year in order for me to be able to go to college.

This in turn, with some proper planning, and possible budgeting shouldn't be an issue for them, my mom is a dentist. But here is the catch, they are technically not paying for my college, I'm apparently taking a loan out from my parents. Yup, according to my parents they will pay for my education with the stipulation that I pay them back.

Here is the reason for this action of theirs:

My mother knows a guy who's son got into some prestigious school or another. The guy ended up having to pay 40k a year to keep his son in there. Unfortunately, within the first year his kid decided to become a partier, as opposed to a studier, and flunked out. Effectively flushing that forty grand his dad paid down the toilet.

My mother thinks that by 'lending' me the money as opposed to simply paying for my college that she will protect herself from that situation and decrease the risk of me flunking out.

I'm really glad that my parents think that me flunking out of college is a real possibility. Glad to know they believe in me.

What makes it even worse is the fact that my mother brags, nonstop, about this plan of hers.

I'm just so fucking mad right now.

Oh, also here's another funny thing... I think my parents may be right about me being a fuck up (Even though my mother does tell me she's proud of the 'individual' I have turned into.Based on my parents' actions and how they react to me, I think they may subconsciously think that I am). But in this case I suppose I would be a fuck up in the most literal sense of the word.

Fun fact: My 17th birthday was on October 6th, my parent's 17th anniversary is somewhere in the beginning of March.

Although I have known this for a few years now, I'm kind of shocked that my dad passively hinted upon it during a casual dinner conversation with a few friends and a couple strangers.

Well, so much for optimism... I guess I use live journal as a means to rant.

Now that that huge rant is over... here is some oddly amusing fun stuff that I have been up to.

I made a colab blog with my friend, Brandon (awesome Canadian who hates writing essays). In this blog we basically go on omegle.com (a site which allows you to talk to strangers, randomly) and ask people what makes them interesting. Then we post the resulting conversations on that blog.

http://youareinteresting.blogspot.com/

Check it out, it's guaranteed to bring some laughs and joy into your world. It certainly brings joy to mine.

It's Monday the 13th...WOOT

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:59:53 GMT

So today I was planning on visiting some old abandoned buildings in my area, but that didn't really work out.

You see, I don't really have a problem of breaking my parents rules in the respect of driving down the street to those buildings (which are located on fairly busy well traveled streets, with sidewalks, in broad daylight) and taking photographs, however, today my body chose not to agree with me.

Instead of blatantly going against everything my mother told me I could not do, I ended up sitting on the couch downing half a bottle of pepto-bismol and watching The Deadliest Catch re-runs. It sucked.

Unfortunately for me, my, what seems to be a stomach ulcer (it's genetic, my mom has one too), decided to act up. And I, once again, was forced to consume large quantities of pepto, while forcing myself to have some oatmeal every two hours or so in an attempt to soothe the stomach monster.

I am not a happy camper in that respect.

However, yesterday I found this park in my neighborhood which I never knew existed.

What's even more exciting is that it has, a flat horizon line(the only one anywhere near where I live), a pond, a river, a skate park (good for photography, I don't skate but whatever...) and a clear view of G.E. (industrial photos, and an open invitation to play with panoramic shots, cause I can make those on my computer).

So, once I can get out there again I will be sure to take some photos.

All in all it was a good weekend/Monday/break.

---------------------------------

Before I forget, I ordered a bunch of synthetic hair and accessories for making dread-falls (because I like craft projects).

It actually was surprisingly inexpensive... 5 bags of kanekalon hair and over 50 hair accessories, not including shipping, cost me around $24.

Gah! I have so much work to do!

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 09:25:10 GMT

Too much work too little time... I have a feeling tomorrow will be allnighter #2.

Oh well, it's my fault, I only have myself to blame, really. I should have done my work but instead I procrastinated...whoops.

I also forgot to mention that I met a cool art kid yesterday at the art reception. She had a couple photos photos up in the gallery and had the coolest name and glasses I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean Cerridwyn, how cool of a name is that?!!?

Also this reception further reminded me that I NEED A FLASH. Because my stock flash was terrible, absolutely horrible! It did nothing! In fact, it might have made photographs turn out even worse than they would have without it.

And now it's bio study time! woot!

If my calculations are correct,roughly 2 weeks of working for my parents full-time and I shall have enough money to afford that flash.

Blah, I want to do so many artistic, creative things but I have no financial means of doing them.

The things I want to do:

Make another cool dreaded wig, although this time using better quality materials and actually reading the tutorials beforehand.

Buy a flash.

Get a bunch of filters/ lens attachments for my camera (It may be a leica but it's still not a DSLR...and I have no idea why not, it's as large as one and has the same functions, thus I need lens attatchments...)

Total cost: I don't even want to think about it.

Art Gallery

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 02:51:06 GMT

So today I received an award for my work in the gallery... along with a bunch of other people, it was pretty rad.

My mother tagged along and made a bunch of mom statements.
For instance, she was talking to my friend, Paul, and ended up making a statement similar to that of "I'm so happy Stashi finally has friends!".

It was fairly funny and I spent most of the night teasing her about that statement.

Also I found out that creepy South Carolina stalker boy makes for great fun.

Today after he decided to text me I made the decision to tell him to eff off.

A few hours later I received a text from him telling him to kill myself...this is how the conversation went...so far:

Me: "Go kill myself? Ha! those are some great Christian values right there, this is why I'm happy to be an atheist. At least I won't be drinking that koolaid' (He told me he was Christian a while back, so I decided to use that to sort of piss him off in a sense.In general, if taken moderately, I have nothing against Christianity. I simply like pushing people's buttons.)

Him: "I'm an indpmdnt wen it coms 2 religion and its jk daniels nd weed 4 me nd ur probly th dumb aethyst on earth"

Me: " Wow, an alcoholic who smokes pot and doesn't use correct spelling is calling me stupid. That's funny." (Although I don't particularly use anything, I don't judge those who do. Just when someone sets themselves up like that... I have to take it)

Wow, I guess I'm giving you guys a Stashi argument play by play, showing people where I get my wordy ammo and such.

In general, most people just set themselves up. Normally, I won't take advantage of that, but if I'm considerably peeved and pulling an allnighter doing back work for class, it's a great way to take my aggressions out.

Um, haven't posted in a while.

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 02:34:51 GMT

In light of me not posting in a while (or at least a while by my standards) I have decided to post.

So far in this short amount of time many cool things have happened to me, or rather I did a lot of cool things.

The first of which is I regained my optimistic tendencies and have resolved to stop bitching about things. If I am going insane then so be it and I might as well enjoy the ride. Also, I don't see the point of me hiding who I am, if people don't like it I don't care.I'd rather be free and solitary than with a bunch of friends who I don't accept me.

On a different note, I also managed to stockpile a lovely list of things which I need to do before the quarter ends...as in 2 problem sets and 1 lab for biology (I should get on that), 2 work sheets for governomics (I hate that class so much, the teachers are awesome the class just bores me to death) and a critical analysis for computer arts (the class which I have lost pretty much all will to put forth effort in). In case anyone was wondering, the quarter ends this thursday...YAY (exasperated face).

Also this weekend I went on a college visit to SUNY Oswego. It was a fairly odd experience.

Unfortunately college wise I had a bit of a problem, I couldn't go to my first choice due to visa issues (The University Of Manitoba), it's in Canada and in order for me to get a student visa I would need a guardian for the first month (because I turn 18 on October 6th...wow I feel old), which is a problem because we didn't know any Canadians willing to fill that position, oh well.

So now what we've been doing are college visits to the other places I have been accepted to and hoping to find a good fit. I have to say, SUNY Oswego is fairly awesome. I was looking around campus and here are the plus sides of Oswego:

1. It's located on a lake. Which means that sunset and sunrise photography will be awesome, also models+ flat horizon lines= fun photos.
2. There is a steam power plant thing pretty much on campus which is great for industrial shots.
3. Lots of really cool sculptures, self explanatory.

Also it's located about 30 min away from Syracuse which occasionally gets fun events such as raves - which once I get my flash (www.amazon.com/Panasonic-DMW-FL500-External-Digital-Camera/dp/B000GBSA14 if I can ever afford it) will be freaking amazing to photograph.

Sadly enough I have more fun taking photos of parties as opposed to actually attending them.

I'm actually kind of bummed that I forgot my camera at home.

Another piece of irony to add to the pile of irony that is known as my life: My mom was more excited about this visit than I was, she was the one asking all the questions about dorms and programs and I was the one looking for things to photograph.

Also, during the time that we were checking out the college, my mother decided that I was not to take a double major (one in graphic design and one in psychology) because that was apparently just me trying to please her and my dad, but instead that I was going to get the full blown BFA in Graphic Design and minor in computer programming.

Here is the picture of a sunrise which I took while riding the bus a few days ago:

Alter Egos.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:17:18 GMT

I have come down to the conclusion that I have a male, 6'3" alter ego that goes by the name of Ivan.

Excitement.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:55:15 GMT

There is a thunder storm going on outside right now.

It finally feels like spring!

More irony

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:13:56 GMT

My weird eye thing that I mentioned in the last post...yeah it won in the digitally enhanced photography category...

My life just keeps getting more and more ironic.

It's actually rather funny.

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A couple themes/ideas or whatnot have been floating around in my mind lately and I have decided to list them:

Alice, snuffed by her own wonderland.

This is no dream, this is merely a reality controlled by my subconscious.

At some point this is going to stop being cute and no one will want to deal with you.

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My mind has been a weird place to be as of lately... it's stopped being as friendly as it was before.
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On a completely unrelated note, and possibly a more cheerful one. I got my new glasses and they are quite awesome.

Although I have an extremely strong prescription, I don't really mind wearing glasses, on the contrary, I enjoy wearing them. Frankly I am not ashamed of my flaws and my quirks, they make me who I am. I only hope that my perception doesn't get more frightening than it already is, because if I lose my sight I don't know what I'll do with myself...acually I do, but it's not a happy thought so I won't go there (this is one of the places where my mind has been taking me as of late)... The good news is that my eyesight has not gotten any worse in 3 years. So if I am fortunate enough it'll stay where it is and then maybe I can get surgery to correct it later on... and even then I might not do that.

The frames I got are wonderful, they suit me perfectly. They are these black, square, thick rimmed frames which are simple and not too feminine ( I think I may have gotten man-frames on accident). I feel like such an art kid when I wear them.

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Lately I've just been feeling weird.

On an unrelated note: Why is it that all these people are inviting me to 4/20 on facebook... I understand what 4/20 is, so I don't need an explanation, but do they really think that I would be advertising any sort of illegal behavior over the internet? For anyone who really wants to, to find out about? Including possible future employers?

Another thing, what is it with 'Are you or are you not attending 4/20?' ?4/20 is a date... the only way anyone can not attend a date is by not being alive, and frankly I intend to be alive on 4/20. But then again it's impossible to know for sure, I could die in a freak roller blading accident or something.

Let's count the clichés

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:48:30 GMT

Recently some of my artwork had been submitted for the media arts festival at my school. Three pieces of mine were selected for the festival, three photographs and one bit of photo-editing. I really liked the photographs I worked hard on them and I honestly thought they were the better pieces. The photo-editing thing I did in twenty minuets, during computer arts, all in order to get my teacher off of my back so that I could finish my bio test corrections...guess which piece got into the art show...

Yeah, the photo-editing thing.

Now, I after finding out about this I convinced myself that it was okay, that it would be small, the size of a sheet of paper and that I could simply ignore it.

Much to my surprise, it turned out to be one of the larger pieces in the art show. Yeah

Let's count the clichés:

1. It's an eye.
2. The eye is looking up in a dreamy sort of fashion.
3. It has glitter...
4. It has hearts (they're part of the glitter)
5. Butterfly...or the wings in this case.
6. There is a map-ish thing, or something of that sort reflected in the eye.
7. The title, yes even the name is cliché: Daydreamer.

It's a freaking cornucopia of clichés.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's terrible, I just don't think that it represents me as an artist.

As an artist I like doing portraits, I like capturing moments. I like showing people how I see them or capturing a part of their soul or who they could be...in a sense.

I also enjoy art which makes people think twice, conceptual pieces, things with life and feeling.

Most importantly, I like things that are original.

Although this piece is pretty, it doesn't seem to capture these things...it would make a great screen saver, but that's really all I see it as.

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On the other hand I did get out for most of school today to go to the media arts festival. I ended up hanging out with Paul (awesome film/photo kid), Kelly (this girl draws like no one's buisness...actually she rules at art in general), Adrian (the cool kid who took me out for coffee last week, I bought him a pudding today...also does photography), and Sean (he thinks his cannon is better than my lieca...it's not) for most of the day and that was good fun.

We danced in our seats at the music submissions which had a weird rave techno feel to them and we made fun of the 'molester music'...yes there was molester music. I don't think there is a good way of describing what made it molester music. I'm sure everyone has heard one piece of music and thought 'my, that's molester music' and that was the case with a few of the pieces.

We also enjoyed making comments about the student videos, some of which were so stunning.

Once again I fail at describing how much fun today was. I'm tired of listing things, I refuse to have more than one list in this post. Lists are terrible, lack class and are the easy way out.

Not to mention they're cliché.

Photo Editing

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:22:31 GMT

More procrastination.

Wow, such a dork.

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:12:26 GMT

There is something to be said about watching Harold and Kumar completely sober...it's nearly impossible.

Edit as things have changed as I am writing this post: It's like junk food, terrible for you (as in I feel my brain melting as I watch this)....yet oddly gratifying.

So today my parents decided to abandon me and go to New Jersey... not that I mind. In fact I enjoy spending time alone, more than most people. I basically ended up going to the public library, taking out as many Stanley Kubrick films as they had and then hightailing it home. Once I got home I watched 2001 A Space Odyssey and A Clockwork Orange, and then took my dog out for a long walk.

Blah, I'm too tired sick and cold-y to be writing anything particularly well.Lately my immune system decided to crap out on me.

Things I need to do:

- Get one of my friends to model for me. I have an idea for a photo-shoot.
- Get a new haircut...someone told me I looked like 'Alice Cullen'...don't want to have that happen again.
- Clean the house before my parents get home, who knew vegetating could make such a mess?
- Invite lovely gay man for a coffee, he bought me coffee last week so it's my turn now.
- Schedule college visits.

Sleep Depravation...again

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:03:19 GMT

Sleep deprivation tends to do interesting things to my mind.

Sometime during English class I came down to the conclusion that my mind is comprised of two distinct and separate parts:

The first part is this wild and creative entity, it's completely detached from reality and logic. This is the part of my mind where all my artistic products come from. It is the part of my mind which allows me to imagine rainbow colored walls and people's auras exploding out of their chests. It is the part of my mind where magic lives and when I close my eyes I can walk through gyrating forests and 100 foot guitars (if I'm listening to music) with giants playing them. It is where I am larger than life and I am the owner of my own little universe, almost a waking dream if you will.

The second part to my mind is the completely logical one, the one that understands that the walls are not rainbow colored, that this is reality and it takes a rather nihilistic approach to analyzing whatever comes my way. It recognizes that it is impossible to see auras and it filters whatever my creative side comes up with into something more sane. It allows that side to shine through in it's wild jubilation but it provides an anchor point so that I do not stray too far. It also makes me good at math an science, which my Calc grade is rather thankful for.

Now when I'm sleep deprived the second part of my mind tends to take a back seat, it becomes lazy and lethargic giving the first part free reign... at least for a short time.

It is during this time that interesting things tend to happen. For instance during English today I was starring at a chalkboard. On this chalkboard was some poorly erased writing and some regular writing over it. For about two minuets I simply starred at that chalkboard thinking that I could see through (or shift focus from) the regular writing and read the faded writing as if both were written on glass and the faded lettering was simply written on the other side. I spent a total of two minuets trying to look THROUGH a chalkboard before I realized that this was impossible and what I was doing was completely insane.

This is why I don't do drugs, because if this is how I am when I am simply sleep deprived... yeah.

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Way to make yourself look like a nut job Stashi, way to go... maybe there's a reason why the inner workings of your mind are inner and not outer.

Way Too Much Coffee Not Enough Food.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 07:50:36 GMT

The problem with pulling all-nighters is the fact that one drinks large quantities of coffee and does not eat enough food.

This leaves one with a growling, unhappy stomach monster.

Perhaps some fruit and granola will soothe the stomach beast.